I Forgive You Dad

DJ Valerie B LOVE 🩷
1 day ago
16 min read

Happy 99th Birthday

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✨ Key Takeaways

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting — You can release resentment while still acknowledging the pain. Holding onto anger only hurts you.
Understanding someone's story builds compassion — When my Dad finally shared his war trauma, it helped me understand why he self-medicated and built walls around his heart.
Imperfect parents can still teach valuable lessons — Fast Eddie taught me discipline, hustle, and how to make the best damn pasta sauce. I can honor those gifts while releasing the hurt.
Soul holes need God, not substances — Alcohol, gambling, workaholism... none of it fills the void. Only LOVE and spiritual connection can heal what's truly broken.
It's never too late to say "I forgive you" — Even if they're gone. Even if they never apologized. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Episode Overview

Forgiveness and gratitude are two of the most powerful forces for healing and transcending trauma— and also two of the hardest to access when you've been hurt by someone who was supposed to protect you.

Today would have been my Dad's 99th birthday. We called him Fast Eddie. He was an auctioneer, a World War II and Korea veteran, a tough guy from Detroit, and honestly?

The most complicated human I've ever loved.

He was racist.

He drank twelve beers a day.

He drove drunk with us kids in the car.

He called me and my brothers awful names.

He told us we were worthless and degraded us our whole lives.

He told me I'd just "get pregnant by 18" when I wanted to go to college.

He didn't come to my wedding and walk me down the aisle.

He worked with the mafia.

He never found God.

And yet... he always kept a roof over our heads.

He moved us to a safe neighborhood.

He made sure we always had food, heat, and electricity.

He gave me boundaries when I needed them.

He taught me how to hustle.

He made pasta sauce that I can still taste in my memory.

When he was in a good mood it was nice to be around him and laugh.

This episode is my letter to him — imperfect, messy, and real. Because healing family relationships doesn't require a Hallmark ending. Sometimes it just requires the courage to say: I see you. I understand more now. And I release this.

⏱️ Episode Timestamps

Jump to any section:

(00:00) Introduction — Happy Funk Yeah Friday & Fast Eddie's 99th birthday
(01:30) Growing up with an "Archie Bunker" dad — racism, alcoholism, and arguments
(02:25) Coney Islands and camcorders — interviewing Dad before he died
(04:03) "Keep a nickel between your knees" — old-fashioned expectations
(05:15) The mafia connection — learning Dad was a gangster
(06:19) Life at the Detroit Race Course — horses, jockeys, and unhealthy patterns
(08:36) "Did you kill anybody?" — Dad finally opens up about the war
(10:55) Glimpses of joy — Hawaii, little kids, and the heart beneath the armor
(12:58) Understanding the Greatest Generation — war trauma and protection
(14:30) Imagining Dad in the passenger seat — gratitude, forgiveness, and sauce

Why Forgiveness Matters for YOUR Healing

Forgiveness isn't about excusing behavior. It's about freeing yourself from the prison of resentment.

When I was growing up, I could NOT understand my father. The racism. The drinking. The anger that seemed to eat him alive from the inside out. I used to call him Archie Bunker because that's exactly who he reminded me of.

But here's what I've learned: hurt people hurt people.

My dad was abandoned by his own father as a young boy. He grew up partially in a boys' home — and let me tell you, what went on in those places wasn't good. Then he went to war and watched his shipmates get "sawed in half with bullets."

That's a LOT of unprocessed trauma for one human to carry and bury.

The Soul Hole Problem

Dad tried to fill his soul hole with alcohol, gambling, workaholism — anything to numb the searing pain. But none of it worked because he never found God. He never found his soul.

His whole philosophy was: "You work until you die. That's what you do."

And I remember thinking: I don't want to live like that.

That moment of clarity became my north star. I could see what happens when you don't deal with your stuff. When you don't find something bigger than yourself to hold onto.

How Understanding Builds Compassion

The turning point came when I finally got Dad to open up about the war.

We were at our favorite Coney Island joint, eating hot dogs with chili and onions and mustard on those perfect steamed buns. I had my video camcorder (this was way before podcasting existed) and I just asked him directly:

"Dad, did you kill anybody?"

He broke down a little. And he told me about being on the ship, bullets flying, watching guys die right next to him while he survived.

That story changed everything for me.

It didn't excuse the racism or the drinking or the harsh words. But it helped me understand why he built such thick walls around his heart. Why he self-medicated. Why he was so protective — even if it came out as controlling.

Sometimes the key to letting go of resentment is simply understanding the other person's pain.

Honoring Imperfect Parents

Here's what I want you to know if you're struggling with a complicated parent relationship:

You can hold two truths at the same time.

My Dad was difficult. AND my Dad loved me the best way he knew how.

He told me I'd never make it to college. AND he taught me the hustle that helped me build multiple businesses, travel the world as a DJ, and have a beautiful family.

He was racist and closed-minded. AND he had moments of pure joy — especially around little kids, or when he talked about Hawaii.

He never met his grandchildren. AND I know in my heart he would have loved them fiercely.

What Fast Eddie Taught Me

Despite everything, my Dad gave me gifts I carry to this day:

Discipline and boundaries — Even when I hated the rules, I needed them
The hustle mindset — I know how to go build what I need in this world
How to make sauce — Those yummy days with the meat starting in the morning... pure magic
What NOT to do — Sometimes our parents teach us by showing us the path we don't want to take

🙋‍♀️ Common Questions About Forgiveness

Q: How do you forgive someone who never apologized?

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not them. You don't need an apology to release resentment. Waiting for one just keeps you stuck. Decide that YOUR peace matters more than their acknowledgment.

Q: How do you honor a parent who hurt you?

Acknowledge the full picture. You can honor the sacrifices they made and the lessons they taught while also acknowledging the pain they caused. Both things are true. Holding space for complexity is part of healing.

Q: What if I still feel angry sometimes?

That's normal and okay. Forgiveness isn't a one-time event — it's literally a practice, a way of life. Some days you'll feel completely at peace. Other days the old hurt might resurface when you are triggered -like a snow globe getting shaken. Just keep choosing to release it, over and over. Know that it will pass. And remember.. it's not your fault.

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Wishing You Peace, LOVE, and Warm Aloha

DJ Valerie B LOVE 🩷

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🩷 About DJ Valerie B LOVE ~ The Vibe Goddess

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📚 Resources & Links Mentioned

The Godfather, Scarface, Goodfellas — Films that suddenly made sense after learning about Dad's mafia connections
Detroit Race Course — Where Fast Eddie and I spent Sundays (and where I learned some unhealthy patterns)
Coney Island hot dogs — A Detroit tradition and our special father-daughter food

📜 Full Episode Transcript

DJ Valerie B LOVE (00:01)

Hey, Aloha, love tribe, what's up? I'm gonna take my glasses off for this, because I don't need them. So happy Funk Yeah Friday. Today is what would have been Fast Eddie's 99th birthday. Fast Eddie was my dad. Actually, I do need these, so I can just see what's happening on the screen. Dad, Fast Eddie was, he was a tough guy. And we had, you know, rough relationship and argued a lot. I grew up right outside of Detroit and he worked downtown Detroit in some really shit areas. And we both obviously had different life experiences and we have very different ways of looking at the world. So we argued a lot about fairness and equality and justice. You know, he was, I used to call him Archie Bunker because he was such racist, you know, and it was very difficult for me to listen to him because he would use the N word and I was like, my God, you can't speak. What are you doing? So it was just this, it was so not good living in that environment. So I really struggled with having compassion and empathy for him. And I, you know, he struggled with health issues and heart attacks and aneurysms and the whole smoking and emphysema, the whole thing.

And you know, he drank all the time, you know, just 12 beers a day, drove with us in the car all the time, crashed the car with us in the car, not a huge accident, but just, know, oops, I hit the garage, oops, I hit the car, you know? And so it was just like, this is not cool. And this doesn't feel safe, you know? But the one thing he was always so proud of, you know, he was in World War II and he was in Korea and he was just so proud because his dad abandoned him when he was a kid and he had to grow up partially in a boy's home and you know he wouldn't talk about it very much and it was just like you don't talk about stuff you don't talk about the war you don't talk about things and finally when he was very sick I was visiting him in Detroit and we went out for Coney Islands, which are one of my favorite things and it was our favorite thing to do. And we would have hot dogs and they had chili and onions and mustard and steamed buns is the best. And I remember I got a video camcorder at the time, because I was doing my Vibe Tribe stuff and I was performing and this is back in the day, you had a little cassettes to put in and record.

I was like, dad, want to record you, you know, and interview you before you die because I just want to, you know, your grandkids to know who you were and the whole thing. And throughout all of it, you know, I loved my dad very much and I appreciated everything he did and all the sacrifices he made. You know, and as he got older, he got more relaxed, which was nice. You know, he wasn't always so angry, but he was just, he was constantly angry about everything, you know, and it really ate him up inside, you could just tell. And I just was like, I don't wanna live like that. And I remember, I'm the only person who's ever gone to college in my family. I'm a girl, obviously. I remember when I was growing up, he would say like, and I was a straight A student, was super, I still love learning in school. He was just like, why are you gonna try to go to college? You're just gonna get pregnant by the time you're 18, you know? You know, you need to be a good girl and the only way you're going to be a good girl is keeping a nickel between your knees. And I was just like... got it. And you know, whatever. And it was just this like super old fashioned, you know, thing. And he was definitely like Archie Bunker, you know, to me. And he was very, he was just very racist and he was just not who I was and how I looked at the world, you know? And so it was just a very challenging upbringing, you know? And I appreciated that he was more disciplined and gave me boundaries and rules, you know, even though I didn't like them and I didn't want them, I needed them. Obviously every teenager does. And so that was, you know, I appreciated that. And he always made sure we had a roof over our heads and, you know, there you go.

So anyway, so I remember interviewing him at the Coney Island joint, right? And we're eating our hot dogs and I asked him about the war. And I always thought we were Italian until I was young, 10, 12 years old, because we always hung out with all these Italians. And I always thought, I have a godfather and a godmother and the whole thing. We never went to church, so it's not like we were Catholic or anything. But I just thought we were Italian. Well, actually, we just hung out with a lot of Italians because my dad worked in the mafia. And so he was a gangster, but he had a front and I learned all this stuff later and I suspected it, but it was like, don't know. So it's like, no wonder I love the Godfather and Scarface and Goodfellas and the whole thing. It's such a weird thing to be attracted to all those films, and I was like, oh, it's because that's how I grew up. And anyway, so I remember Tony Sauve that I don't remember a lot of things, but this guy, was like really rich and he was the garbage man. He owned the garbage company for Detroit. Okay. Whatever the heck that means. So it's like, okay, you're the garbage man. Now I know. Anyway, just all sorts of interesting stuff, right? So I grew up still, you know, and unfortunately he never got to meet his grandchildren because he passed before that.

But I'm interviewing him, this was way before podcasting, so this tells you how curious I am. I love to interview people and learn about them and share their stories. And I was like, dad, you never talk about the war. I wanna know if you've, or whoever I know used to work with these bad guys at the racetrack, and we used to always, I lived at the racetrack, like course racing, we were at the Detroit race course all the time, every single Sunday, instead of going and having family dinner by our, we were at the racetrack. And so I knew all these guys at the racetrack. Knew the jockeys. I hung out in the stalls. It was a crazy shit. That's where I became bulimic when I was a teenager because in the, you know, summertime we would get dropped off at the racetrack at six in the morning. Literally we have to drive, you know, an hour there that drop us off. And I was like, yeah, cool. I get to work with the horses and you know, brush them and wash them down and rub their things and put the little bandages on their legs. And it was great. I love, love, love horses. And, but I started watching the jockeys. They would like eat all this food, you know? And I'm just like, what the fuck are you doing, man? You supposed to be all skinny and you've got to be like, make your weight and all this. And they're like, we jump. And I'm like, what does that mean? And they're like, we throw up after we eat. And then we go sit in the sweat box, you know, to get down to our weight. And I was like, that's fucked up. That's so gross. Know, and I'm like literally 14, 15 years old at this time. And, but then of course, me thinking, I'm supposed to be skinny and pretty like all these people in People Magazine and The Inquirer. Cause that's the, those are the sources of literature at my house. And don't forget Star. You'll know what I'm talking about if you were like the old, old school.

So I tried it and then I just became this thing for like three, four years until college. I was a fucking bulimic because I was at the horse track with my dad and you they, so he would drop me off and then come pick us up in the afternoon when the races would happen. So I learned how to gamble. I learned how to do all sorts of stuff when I was 14, 15. It's when, and this went on for years, but I remember like Purple Rain and Prince. It was all during that whole time. But anyway, so just strange upbringing, know, whatever it is what it is. But I asked my dad, you know, I was like, yo, like, I want to learn what your life was like in the war. And, you know, when you were before you met mom and you were, you know, he was like 15 years older than my mom. And, and he's just like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm like, look, I want to know some stuff. I'm like, did you kill anybody? And this is just I want to watch these videos at some point. Again, I have to get them converted from the tapes to like a digital, because I think I might've even gotten convert anyway, but they might be on DVD, which I don't have a DVD player, because I know I got them converted to the tapes and from the tapes. So now I can get them converted for the DVD.

So Fast Eddie was just, I just remember he kind of broke down a little bit during that moment, because he's got his, know, 20 something year old daughter asking him about this stuff and or was I 30? I think I was 30. And it was just like, oh my gosh, you know? And so he was just like, you know, I remember in the war, we were on the ship and we were getting, you know, bullets shot at us and the guys on the ship died and I didn't. And he's like, I remember them getting sawed in half with bullets. And I was just like, fuck, that's gnarly, you know? And so by him sharing the truth with me and sharing that story, it helped me have more compassion for him and how harsh he was as a human being. Still doesn't make up for the racism and all that, but it made me have a lot more compassion for why he chose to self-medicate so much with alcohol, with gambling, with just the workaholism and all the stuff trying to fill up his soul hole, because he never found God ever, and he never found his soul. He just was very much like, you're going to work until you die and that's what you do. That was his whole philosophy of life. But I always caught glimpses of him being joyful when he would be around little kids. He had joy when he was thinking about Hawaii. He loved Hawaii. My stepmom and my bonus mom, I call her Sharon. They loved Hawaii. They just loved the ocean and everything. We ended up pouring his ashes out in Hawaii when we lived there, I don't know, 10, 15, 15 years ago. But I could tell. So I always knew, I was like, I know you have a heart in there. I know you do. Like I know it lives in there, but you're so crusty because you've got to protect it so much because you've been abandoned as a young boy and had to go live in a boy's home.

Let me tell you what goes on in those boys' homes. It ain't fucking good, okay? And so God bless you, dad, for wanting to provide for my brother and I, you know, to the best of your ability. And I know you adopted my mom's son, who's my, you know, I mean, he's my brother, he's not my half brother, but you guys had your own, you know, headbutting and stuff. And my other brother wouldn't talk to you either. So it was just like, I'm the only one that was like, keep the relationship and the family alive. I just never understood not talking to your kids and them not talking. It just makes no sense to me. I'm like, fucking get over it. Like talk to each other people. So it was really tough because I was the peacemaker and you wouldn't talk to your mom, my grandmother. And so I had to be the peacemaker there until she died. And it was just this weird thing.

So anyway, I wonder how you're doing. And I was thinking about you today on your birthday when I was driving home. And I was like, I think I'm gonna do an episode for Fast Daddy about forgiveness and gratitude, you know, because I very much appreciate you and I appreciate what you went through and that you fought for our country. And, you know, I think about today, what's going on. It's so violent and yucky and I can't even watch it. It's too much for me. Like, I'll just, no thank you. I don't need to lose my shit again. Thank you very much. But I think about the generation, the older generation that went to World War II and obviously World War I was before that, but I don't think there's many of you guys alive still. It's a different way of looking at the world when you're in those war zones. And so I understand why you were so protective and didn't want me to be naive and get taken advantage of in the world. And I had to go learn the hard way a lot of things and I had to go fall down and get taken advantage of and make lots and lots and lots of mistakes. And I know if you were here, you wouldn't want that for me. And I know if you were here, you would love your grandchildren so much.

And I was thinking about as I was driving through the mountains today, I was imagining you sitting in this seat next to me. And I was imagining, I was like, I wonder what you would be thinking if you were sitting in the seat next to me, would you think it's as beautiful as I do? Would you like the mountains the same way that I love them? And would you like technology the way that I love technology? Would you be into Bitcoin and music the way that I'm into Bitcoin and music? Like, I wonder what you would be doing right now if you were still alive. And like, I wonder how you would interact with my kids, your grandkids. So it was just nice to imagine you physically sitting in the seat with me and then thinking about cooking it. You always made the best pasta sauce. You made sauce. I loved having sauce with you. Sunday, some Sundays, not every Sunday, but Saturday, Sunday, sometimes I remember you would start the meat in the morning and do the sauce all day. It was so nice.

Anyway, I just, I miss you and I'm thankful for you and I forgive you. Anything you said or did that hurt me, it's gone and it's goodbye. And I know you didn't mean it. I know you wouldn't want to hurt me on purpose or anybody. Like that's what I know. You've got that heart in you. So I love you, dad. And thanks for being my dad. And you taught me so much and you taught me how to hustle. And you taught me how to just go grab what I need in the world because I know how to hustle and I like that. So thanks for that and thanks for teaching me how to make sauce.

I love you. Happy birthday.